Don't Tell Me To Stop Crying

My whole life I have been an easy crier. I would tear up about sad movies, when I was angry, when someone was mad at me- literally for anything. I always thought there was something wrong with my tear ducts. As I got older, people began making assumptions about me based on how emotional I am. People would tell me I’m not strong enough, I can’t make decisions, I’m not smart, and worst of all- I can’t be a good leader. I began trying to suppress my tears, hold back how hard I feel everything and finally, I learned one of the most important lessons. If you do not let yourself feel things deeply then you will always hold on to the negative emotion until it begins to chip away at you. I strongly believe that the only way out is through so becoming unapologetic about my emotions changed my life. When I feel like crying, I cry. I will no longer apologize for it. Why would I say sorry for something my body does naturally? Why would I suppress myself the beautiful relief of tension and sadness?

When I embraced myself for all that I am, I reminded myself that I am enough just the way I am. I let myself feel things so much that they become a part of who I am, and then I let them go. And they never come back. I welcome my feelings like dear friends I haven’t seen in a while, I let my tears make a home out of my eyes, I cover myself in blankets and turn the lights off, I tell my friends it’s one of those days, and I cry and cry. And then I am free, I am liberated because I allow myself to feel whatever emotions come to the surface. I am proud of the way my body makes meanings of things so profoundly.

This emotional liberation is how I self-care, it’s how I resist the ways the world tries to erase me as a queer womxn of color. I will continue to consciously put my emotions first because through my vulnerability, I grow. However, being vulnerable is a gift that I now know not everyone deserves. I cry for myself, for my freedom. I cry because I know the value of my life. I cry because I will no longer make myself smaller for the comfort of someone else.